


The Adventures of Sandman and His Somewhat Reluctant Boyfriend

by oh_ms_omegalomaniac



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, William Beckett - Fandom
Genre: Aha, Cobra - Freeform, Fluff, I got bored, Kidnapping, M/M, Random - Freeform, Snakes, Supervillains, Villains, and am procrastinating, and the summary sucks, im sorry, it's warmer in the basement, kidnap, lots of eyerolling, mr sandman, nobody cares, not much, so here it is, teensy bit of violence, the supervillain au nobody asked for, the title sucks, um, whoohoo, why, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3310745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_ms_omegalomaniac/pseuds/oh_ms_omegalomaniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have no idea how annoying it is to have the super villain you're trying to catch have a crush on you. Seriously. And when he keeps kidnapping you? That's just distracting, honestly. </p><p>(Or, the Super villain AU nobody asked for but I wrote anyway because... yeah, I don't even have a reason)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Sandman and His Somewhat Reluctant Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is only based on existing real people- it is a work of fiction and is about characters who resemble real people. Please don't harass any real people or friends/relatives of real people about shipping.

"Gabe! I'm in love!" 

Tearing his eyes away from his phone, the lanky man sprawled on the couch raises a perfect eyebrow and sighs dramatically. 

"Who is it this time?" 

Pete falls in love a lot. It's kind of taxing, being his best friend. Luckily Gabe's got a lot of patience- and a good supply of wine to dull the annoyance of Pete's angst-y prattling. Letting out a low moan of despair, the shorter man collapses next to Gabe, face comically upset. 

"It's true love this time. Soulmates and all that shit. He's the one!" 

"Uh huh. Tell me more." 

Dragging himself into a sitting position, Pete's expression becomes impossibly lovestruck and Gabe rolls his eyes. For a supervillain, Pete spends an awful amount of time making puppy-dog eyes and complaining about cute boys. 

"His name is Patrick M. Stump and he is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He's tiny, shorter than me and I just want to wrap him up in a million cardigans and cuddle him for the rest of our lives-" 

After taking a quick moment to snicker at Pete's True Love's initials (PMS, heh heh heh) Gabe cuts his friend off with a skeptical look. 

"Mr Sandman, you are the epitome of evil, controller of the Etheral Darkness and scourge of the city. You do not wrap people in cardigans. You murder them. Or kidnap them. No cardigans should be involved whatsoever." 

"But he wears argyle sweaters and had the cutest blue-green-grey-brown eyes and reddish blonde hair and I'm in love!" 

Rolling his eyes again, Gabe shoots his friend a cynical glare. 

"Okay, okay, whatever. Age? Date of birth? Occupation?" 

Pete grins his usual shit-eating grin and Gabe sighs inwardly. Of course he knows all this already. Pete's nothing if not an excellent stalker. 

"He's 24, born on April the 27th and is a member of the force trying to apprehend me!" 

"And you're excited about that?" 

"Well, it worked out for you!" 

Fair point. Clicking his fingers, Gabe sends Pete a smug grin and raises his voice to call for his captive. 

"Bilvy!" 

After a few seconds a tall boy pads into the room, brown hair falling into his eyes and a thin snake slithering over his collarbones. 

"Yes, oh Master Cobra?" 

The amount of sarcasm the lanky man puts on the word 'Master' is ridiculous and Gabe pouts. Love slaves are supposed to be demure and obedient, not sarcastic and bored. 

"Fetch me some wine, William." 

Absolutely nonchalant despite the fact one of Gabe's snakes is hissing angrily at him, William settles himself at Gabe's feet and shrugs. 

"Nah." 

"Do you want to anger me, Bilvy? Do you want to go back to the basement?" 

Shrugging, William leans back against Gabe's jeans and begins to fiddle with the villain's shoelaces. 

"I don't really give a shit." 

Typical William. Gabe really should've chosen someone a little more terrified of snakes- Bilvy doesn't care that the man keeping him captive can speak to and control the venomous reptiles. 

"Anyway. What are you going to do?" 

Pete's face falls dramatically and he lies back again, expression hopeless. 

"I was hoping you were going to help me with that part." 

Of course. 

"Just kidnap him or something. Don't kill members of his team, that'll make things awkward. Anyway, I'm sure you'll be fine." 

//^0^//

Holy smokes, holy smokes, this is so boring. When Patrick was dragged into this case he thought it was going to be a desk job- something nice and easy and involving significantly less super villains. It's just his luck that he has to actually do the boring-as fieldwork. He's sitting on top of a freaking building now, for goodness sake, supposed to be 'surveying the area'. 

"SoulPunker, you there? PartyPoison here, over." 

Patrick sighs into the walkie-talkie. Gerard gets way too excited about the whole walkie-talkie thing. 

"Yes, I'm here, Gee. You know, codenames really aren't necessary." 

"C'mon, they defs are, over." 

Rolling his eyes affectionately, Patrick pulls the walkie-talkie away from his ear and looks around his surrounding quickly. No sighting of any shadows yet. Why do the supervillains have to be the ones with cool powers, anyway? Mr Sandman, the villain Patrick's group is assigned to, is able to control some shit called Ether, which basically means he can construct shadows into the shape of anything he can dream up. A total rip-off of the Green Lantern, in Patrick's opinion, but- 

"Argh!" 

His thoughts are rudely interrupted by a cloth pressed to his mouth. Patrick struggles to breath for a moment, holy smokes, what is even going on, before recognizing the sickly sweet smell and realizing his mistake. Chloroform, he thinks panickedly as his world goes black. 

//^0^//

"Wake up!" 

Patrick's head is swimming as he snaps into consciousness, blinking his eyes open as he recognizes the grinning face in front of him. He's never met him in the flesh before but Patrick's read enough case files and reports to know exactly who is staring down at him. Mr Sandman. Oh, crap. 

"Hello, Patrick!" 

What's going on, maybe this is just a bad dream- okay, no, it's not, the shadow-y chains wrapped around his wrists are very much real, dammit. 

"There's no point in torturing me for information, I am loyal to Cladestine and would rather die than tell you anything. Also, I have like no clearance whatsoever so the most important secret I know is how to work the coffee machine in the staffroom." 

Patrick watches in surprise as the villain pouts, painted-on smile becoming distorted. 

"I'm not going to hurt you, Patrick, why would I do that?"

"Um, I don't know, maybe because you're insane?" 

Mr Sandman's pout becomes a malicious grin and he moves away, spinning slightly on the spot and conjuring up shadows. Trying not to freeze up in fear, Patrick watches as the super villain constructs a perfect model of him and raises his eyebrows suggestively at Patrick. He beckons for the shadow version of terrified blond man to come towards him and snickers at Patrick's fascination with the construct. 

"That's... that's me." 

"Not really. I can control him. I can't control you... yet." 

Biting back fear at the malicious undertones of the villain's words, Patrick narrows his eyes slightly in determination. No matter what happens next, this lunatic is not going to control him. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. What am I doing here? You're not going to get much of a ransom, if that's what you're after. And I swear to god, if you want me to become your consort like that Beckett guy I used to work for did for that Cobra villain, the answer is definitely no." 

Sandman pouts again, collapsing the shadow-Patrick by closing his tanned hand into a fist angrily. 

"Aw, but that worked out so well for Gabe. Bilvy's happy, really, are you sure you don't want that?" 

Rolling his eyes and pushing away cold fear, Patrick shakes his head. 

"No. Now let me go." 

It's worth a try, hey. To Patrick's surprise, the villain shrugs, a slightly dejected expression on his face. 

"Okay. I guess I'll just have to convince you. Do you want your walkie-talkie back to tell your friends where you are?" 

"Wait, you're letting me go?!" Don't argue, you idiot, Patrick's logic yells at him, but he's curious and a little weirded out. 

"What, you think I'd keep you here against your will? Well, duh, but I want our relationship to be a two-way thing, y'know. Because we're totally soulmates." 

That shocks Patrick into silence and Mr Sandman grins, whiskey-coloured eyes dancing mischievously. Holding the radio up next to his captive's ear, the supervillain beams and switches it on. 

"I've been chatting to your friend PartyPoison. Apart from the death threats towards me if I hurt you, he seems like a nice guy." 

Nodding weakly, Patrick clears his throat. "Hey, Gee, I'm alright. Uh, I think Sandman's gonna let me go. Or it could be a trap. Anyway, I'm in some warehouse-" 

"Number 27, Toro Way." 

"Um, thanks, Mr Sandman. Gee, you there?" 

A crackle of static bursts from the radio and Gerard's panicked voice crackles out. 

"'Trick! You're alive, thank god, we'll be there in like ten minutes. Sandman, if you so much as lay a finger on Patrick-" 

"We've been over this, PartyPoison. Can I call you Gee? I think we're going to have to be great friends if 'Trick and I get married and I'd like to call you Gee. Mm, 'Trick, I love that nickname." 

Clicking the walkie-talkie off before Gerard can respond, Mr Sandman beams at Patrick and presses a quick kiss to his cheek, surprising the already confused blond. 

"Bye, 'Trick! See you soon!" 

Left alone once the villain disappears in a haze of shadows (melodramatic much?), Patrick bites his lip in confusion. Okay, that was hella weird. 

//^0^//

"He didn't want to be the Bilvy to my Cobra, Gabe, it's not fair!" 

Lazily turning to his friend, Gabe raising his eyebrows. What a surprise. 

"Well, you'll just have to keep trying. Did you kidnap him?" 

Nodding proudly, Pete reminds Gabe of an enthusiastic school child. It'd be cute if it wasn't so annoying. 

"And you let him go?" 

Pouting, Pete nods again. 

"Duh." 

"Great. So, what do you want now?" 

Expression a little hurt, the shorter man frowns and sends a barrage of shadows flying towards Gabe. Avoiding them easily (Pete's got terrible aim) Gabe clicks his fingers and hisses under his breath, sending a snake slithering mutinously towards his friend. Pete flicks the cobra away with a dismissive shadow and turns eyes back to the other villain. 

"I just wanted to brag." 

Rolling his eyes, Gabe shrugs. 

"Fair enough." 

//^0^//

"Are you okay, 'Trick, oh my god, you're alive, thank-" 

Gerard is on the verge of hyperventilating as he hacks at the chains around Patrick's wrists. Cutting him off- because honestly, Gee gets so worked up sometimes- Patrick smiles easily at his friend. 

"Of course I'm alive. I'm too awesome to die." 

"I call bullshit. What the fuck does Sandman think he's doing?" 

Interrupting their conversation with his usual tact, Joe Trohman hugs Patrick roughly as they free him. 

"Glad you're okay, man, but honestly, what the fuck?!" 

"Oh, Sandman thinks we're soulmates, that's all." 

They don't let him out on the field again for a week and a half, insisting that he's 'too fragile' and 'scarred'. Patrick thinks it's bull, Sandman didn't even do anything to him (except for the kiss, that was just a little creepy). Him and the quiet vegan guy, Andy Hurley, are out on patrol late one night with nothing much happening. Andy's a great guy and a drummer (like Patrick) so the blond agent is a little pissed when their conversation is interrupted by the streetlamps above them flicking off and their way obscured by a haze of shadows. 

"Sandman!" 

Raising the alarm and snatching his gun from his belt, Hurley pushes Patrick behind him. Patrick's not complaining. He's not fit, at all, or a good fighter, and Andy's the strongest guy he knows. 

"PartyPoison, we've been ambushed, calling for backup!" 

"They won't get here in time, don't even bother. C'mon, 'Trick!" 

The world goes annoying black again before Patrick can get out a yell of protest and all he can think is, not again, for fuck's sake. 

//^0^//

"Wakey wakey, Patrick!" 

Ugh. 

"Where's Andy?" 

Forcing his eyes open, Patrick narrows his eyes at Sandman in front of him and looks around his prison desperately for his friend. They're in a freaking tunnel, he notes grumpily. Really? 

"Oh, tattoo guy is fine. I just knocked him unconscious, your gang will find him soon." 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Patrick struggles uselessly against familiar black chains before giving up, heaving a frustrated sigh and glaring at his captor.

"What do you want, Sandman?" 

"You can call me Pete, if you want." 

"Okay, holy smokes, what do you want, Pete?" 

Putting as much venom as he can muster behind the villain's name, Patrick's vaguely pleased to see him flinch a little. It's probably not the best idea, pissing off his captor, but whatever. Getting kidnapped is annoying. 

"I want you, Pattycakes! We're soulmates, sweetie." 

Grin returned to his face, Pete presses a kiss to Patrick's forehead and bounces backwards before Patrick can bite him. 

"Oh, come on, no biting. Unless you're into that. Then, yes, I'm down." 

Rolling his eyes, Patrick growls wordlessly and struggles for a few more moments as Pete watches amusedly. 

"You know I control your bonds. You're not getting our of there unless I want you to." 

"Fuck you!" 

"What, you offering?" 

Staring at the grimy roof, Patrick counts down from three in his mind to keep from losing his temper. The fact that Pete could kill him in, like, half a second is the only reason he's not screaming with rage right now. Supervillains get all the powers, apparently- Mr Sandman can control shadows /and/ piss off Patrick better than anyone else. 

"We went over this. The answer's no." 

Pouting, Pete sighs dramatically and moves to stand behind Patrick, leaving the blond twisting his neck to watch the villain's movements. Trying and failing to bite his captor's hand, Patrick stiffens as cold fingers trail down his back, making him shiver. Dammit, why isn't the Cladestine uniform thicker, why do abandoned subway tunnels have to he so damn cold? Pete's breath against his neck is in both parts terrifying and annoying as hell, so, gauging his movements carefully, Patrick throws his head back at exactly the right moment to collide with Pete, eliciting a startled yelp of pain. 

"Ow, that hurt! What the fuck, 'Trick?!" 

Moving back into Patrick's sight, Pete is holding his nose and glaring at his captive furiously. 

"Seriously, dude, not cool! Ouch!" 

Eyes rolling, the blond shoots Sandman a death glare. 

"You kidnapped me, for the second time, and I'm not even allowed to fight back?!" 

"You didn't have to do that." 

Voice low and menacing, Pete takes a step towards Patrick and the blond braces himself. 

"You really shouldn't have." 

Moving forward until Patrick can feel his breath on his cheek, the dark haired villain raises a hand and Patrick can't help but flinch. Pete does nothing more than smooth his captive's hair back but as he notices the fear in Patrick's eyes he draws back quickly. The blond lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding as Pete backs away, expression guilty. 

"I- I wasn't going to hit you. I'm not going to hurt you, you know that, right?" 

"You're an insane supervillain. If I wasn't freaking chained up, I'd shrug." 

Sandman raises his eyebrows and waves a hand, disassembling the chains and freeing Patrick. The blond falls to his knees with a thump, lacking the previous support or the ability to hold himself up. He's more than a little surprised when shadow-y tendrils of ether gently pull him to his feet and support him there. Looking over to Pete in surprise, the villain shrugs nonchalantly and grins winningly. 

"You're my soul mate, I'd never hit you! Go on, call your friends, but I'll see you soon." 

Disappearing in what looks suspiciously like a puff of smoke, Pete's gone before Patrick can say a word. He sighs and plonks to the floor as the shadows holding him up disappear. 

"Hey, Gee, I'm in a tunnel somewhere, I don't even know." 

//^0^//

The slightly unhealthy, incredibly creepy and some-what unconventional Courting of Patrick Stump by Pete Wentz aka Mr Sandman (titled by Pete himself- Gabe prefers to call Pete's obsession something more along the lines of 'how to make the force trying to apprehend you ninety percent less scared of you') continues along the same lines of kidnapping, conversations and Patrick getting very much annoyed. 

He's complaining about it to Gerard who has gotten past the whole supervillain thing and just finds Sandman's crush on Patrick hilarious. 

"He came to my house last night, did I tell you that?" 

"Only about three times, Patrick." 

Letting out a dramatic sigh, Patrick collapses in the seat next to his red headed friend. 

"Why won't he leave me alone?" 

"Because you're soulmates!" 

Wordlessly growling, Patrick throws his pen at Gerard and is hit by an eraser in return. They've gotten a pretty decent stationary fight going- Andy, Joe and Frank join in- before an announcement over the loudspeaker of their division gets Patrick's attention. He dodges a pair of scissors thrown by Frank and groans when he hears Hayley, their department supervisor, say his name. 

"Stump, Mr Sandman is holding a busload of innocent schoolchildren hostage and is demanding you as an exchange for their safety. Can you give yourself up ASAP and tell him to lay off the clichés? Ta." 

//^0^//

"Is this really necessary, Pete?!" 

Hearing Patrick's voice, the supervillain spins around and beams at the blond. 

"Hey, 'Trick!" 

"Hello Pete. Can you let the children go now? And my boss thinks you need to calm down with the clichés a little." 

Snickering quietly as he gently places the school bus back onto solid ground, Pete grins. 

"But clichés are so fun! Anyway, I'm kidnapping you, come along now." 

Rolling his eyes with just a hint of affection and more than a touch of exasperation, Patrick strolls over to where Mr Sandman is standing and raises his eyebrows when Pete turns to look at him. 

"What?" 

"You're not going to try and handcuff me again, are you? That was rude." 

Snorting with laughter, Patrick shakes his head ruefully. 

"Nah." 

//^0^//

A few minutes later, they're standing in Gabe's lair, Pete having transported the two of them there. He's holding back a laugh at the queasy expression on Patrick's face- the blond man has never been teleported while conscious before and it is clearly not an experience he enjoys. 

"Cobra! Bilvy!" 

William pads into the room, waving a vague hello to Pete and nodding at Patrick before sauntering out again, not bothered by the snake twisting around and getting caught in his hair. Pete notices the apprehension in Patrick's eyes and laughs quietly. 

"Think yourself lucky I can control the ether and not snakes." 

Giggling, the blond nods gratefully and surveys the room around them, taking in the slithering reptiles decorating the bright purple walls. 

"Nice place." 

"Not really! So, Pete, finally brought your soulmate over for a visit! Nice to meet you, Patrick." 

Gabe strolls into the room with a wide grin on his face and sticks an olive hand out for Patrick to shake. Patrick stares dubiously at the hand and narrows his eyes. 

"Why do you have a snake in your sleeve?" 

Looking not even a little bit ashamed at being caught out, Gabe smirks and pulls up the sleeves of his ridiculous purple hoodie, letting a cobra or two fall to the ground. 

"No reason." 

//^0^//

"So, now you've met my friends, still happy to marry me?" 

Patrick stifles a laugh they walk, raising a skeptical eyebrow. 

"I never said I'd marry you, Sandman. I'm supposed to be arresting you!" 

Pete beams. 

"I know!" 

It's quiet for a few moments until Pete sighs dramatically and stops in his tracks, sitting down heavily. 

"I guess I have to give you back now." 

Patrick shrugs. 

"Yeah, you kinda do." 

"Okay. I'll kidnap you some time next week, yeah?" 

"Cool." 

Yes, it's a weird sort of relationship, not quite conventional and not quite normal, and to be honest annoying as hell, but whatever. Patrick's boyfriend is definitely not normal, and very much not conventional.

And definitely annoying. 

But he's Patrick's, and that's all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, it's a bit rushed at the end... anyway, this is inspired by the Wonderwoman comic Jodi Picoult wrote, Love and Murder, because there's this one panel where Circe has kidnapped this blond guy called Nemesis or something and she's got him chained up on a wall for some reason and there's also snakes everywhere. I'm more of a Marvel girl myself so I didn't exactly know what was going on, but the whole snakes and supervillains thing combined in my mind and since I'm Peterick trash, this happened.


End file.
